I feel so wrong. Sometimes it’s as though I’m some other person watching this complete idiot live their life. When I stand back and examine myself instead of others for a change, I always have to take about 10 seconds to quell my panic at the thought that this person is truly me. I’m so much stupider than I give myself credit for. I suppose it’s my own fault, really.
Each little pebble, the forbidding mountains to overcome
Every empty smile just one step closer
All those people
Just another damn face for me to create
They say “tell me about yourself”,
So I tell them lies
A phone number I never call, a friendship that has no where to go
These are your customs,
I beg you to leave me to mine
My answer is no to your every question
Just remember that every word I tell you is a lie.
Life sucks doesn’t it…I’ve probably been reflecting a bit too much as of late. When looking at everything in a wide view, my life looks painfully disappointing.
Your poem is of course one I relate to. Sometimes reality has me caught up in believing I’m not my own person with my own choice; it’s everyone else’s and they’ll do what they will with me. Whether my heart is in it or not. A reason for anything seems the hardest to answer; why do some people have so much unfairness in their life; why does no one around ever listen or see another’s pain when it’s right in front of them all the time…I’m waiting for the day when small talk isn’t where I’m expected to say things that aren’t true, where I’m expected to pretend….
You’re not stupid; even though you might feel you are, it’s so far from the truth. You know that society and its expectations and silly standards and fakeness is what is stupid. That’s what needs to be fixed. We’re tired enough of it; I’m tired of thinking I am the thing that’s wrong when the truth is it’s everyone and everything else. I’m probably not making sense here, but
I just mean to say that it’s bigger than us and our personal problems, it’s a bigger problem of society that’s been ignored far too long. A collection of ignored problems; things that have yet been identified as social problems. Huhhh…everyone is just blind.
‘My answer is no to your every question
Just remember that every word I tell you is a lie.’
So true….I do understand.