I’ve been surprisingly busy lately—mostly writing. I’m vaguely enjoying it, though at times I get irritated, because I realize that in the end it’s all useless.
I’ve applied for a few more jobs, no replies, which is to be expected. I’d like to get a job by Christmas, but that might not happen, unfortunately. I was hoping I could get my first check before then, so that maybe I could give my parents something for Christmas. I don’t even care what I do at this point; I’ve applied for various jobs that have little to do with one another.
Lately I’ve been considering joining up with the Marines or the Navy or something. It’s what I first considered when I turned 16 and graduated; I knew I could leave right then if I wanted to. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for it, as I get depressed so damn easily, and am pretty much always in such a low mood. I don’t want to live with a bunch of people or have to deal with them on a constant basis. I hate being ordered around and told what to do, and honestly I have no idea what I would do in that sort of environment. I would either revert back into myself or lash out, depending on how much it impacts me. The last thing I need is to get into trouble. But I figure my chances for death would at least be a hell of a lot higher than they are now. Maybe it would be enough for me to finally get pushed over the edge and do something about it instead of bitching and whining all of the time. I guess all I’ve been thinking about recently are the best ways to die or put myself at a higher risk.
I don’t know, and I don’t really care. I’ll keep applying for jobs and see what happens. If nothing, then I suppose I’ll just take it from there, then decide what it is I want to do with this wasted piece of life.
The Peace Corps was the only place I was seriously thinking about applying with…lol. Maybe to simply have a chance at traveling over seas for once. But yeah, the military isn’t my thing. I know for a fact I’d be kicked out, or told to go home before I would even start. I shut down when I’m being yelled at, so training would be a waste of time. But there’s good and bad that comes with everything. If you’re really considering it, I wish you luck.
This year I think I can be grateful I grew up never having a christmas tradition, with the way the economy is an all. I can’t miss what I’ve never known. But anyway, even if you don’t get a job right away before the holidays, you can always make a gift for your parents. It’s all I ever do really when it comes to giving gifts to people. Not only because I’m always broke, but because I think it’s more thoughful.