Endure

So the post office is holding my $200 dollar book hostage. This whole ‘if a holiday falls on a Sunday, that somehow means you get Monday off’ thing keeps happening, I might have to hurt somebody. I think things would go fucking faster by carrier pigeon. I work, and I sure as shit didn’t get any holidays off or any holiday pay. No, I’m not bitter at all.

Last night I got off work and drove in the middle of the night to the city. I had this random urge to go purchase something, and wanted an excuse to go gallivanting in the snow and ice. I’ve discovered that the colder and more annoying it is to go out, the less likely I am to run into somebody I know. It’s kind of awkward when your Christmas present from Australia arrives late and accidentally gets shipped to your boyfriend’s mother’s house and it just so happens to be an object of obvious Satanic significance, and said mother is a devout Christian, and shopping at the same store you’re shopping, and hands the over the tainted package in a public setting. If that makes sense. It’s early, but I’m not drunk yet because I have to drive. Apparently even sober I am not coherent.  

She stood there expectantly waiting for me to open it. I was struck dumb and just insisted that I needed to wait to get home, and that it was a secret. I was tempted to tell her it was a special box of condoms, but I didn’t think that would go over too well either. I had to argue with her to leave me alone about it, and she kept trying to grab it from me. Even eye-wateringly Christian and terribly motherly, I still adore the damn woman and wasn’t about to let one itsy bitsy package get in the way of our weird little friendship.

I need to go dig up the dead things I buried. There’s a whole coyote about a foot down in the ground a few miles from my house. I wonder if the beetles got to him just yet. He’s probably still all wormy and gross, but I’m worried something might have sniffed him out and dragged him away, as stinky and bloody as he was. He smelled like an open sewage pipe, and as hardcore as I am about the deathly stink, I nearly died trapped in a car with him. Even with the window down it was nearly unbearable, as some of his guts had exploded out his rectum when he got mangled by a car. I’m not sure how long he was on the side of the road, but it must have been longer than I thought given the stench. He’s probably past the stink. Hopefully.

In other news, I’m so stressed out I’ve ended up having my period twice. I just want to eat and be incredibly lazy.