Everyone is always quick to assess others. Much to my distaste are the statements I hear from others about myself, statements made when the person knows little of me beyond a few hours of interaction. You know me do you, have solved the mystery to your satisfaction? I try not to be too bitter about it; such stupid answers are not really harmful to me as a person—quite the contrary…they are beneficial. It is good that people know so little of me, that all of their instinctual “knowledge” is a load of bullshit. This means play my part well, that my masks are even impenetrable to the “gut instincts” of other human beings.
I always get the remarks that I’m “very sweet”. It’s as though I’m not even there when they’re talking; I’m just an inanimate object incapable of understanding the esoteric goings-on of the so-called “adults” of the world. Since when did the “experience” of years of stupidity and ignorance equate to a deserved respect? Quite frankly, the older someone is, the more biting my judgment. If you’re old AND stupid, my opinion of your intelligence is going to drop considerably. You’ve had years to figure it out, and therefore no excuse to be a bumbling moron polluting the air with your tremendously lacking mental capacity. I’m just saying.
It takes on average, three years to fully be exposed to a person’s inner workings, and that’s just the easy ones. The people who don’t want to be found out…good luck digging the truth out of them. But the fact is, even the best actors have holes in their masks, little quirks that insinuate a VERY different personality than the one that they are allowing you to see. Basically, it’s just a matter of getting a good grip on that mask and tearing it off. Generally this is done by not-so-nice means, as the smarter ones are never keen on you learning the truth, on seeing through the lies they have so carefully constructed.
The better you get at understanding your gut instincts—I mean true instincts, not just the ones designed by society—the more likely you figure someone out sooner rather than later. And who doesn’t like saving a little time? It becomes a bit of a game after awhile, predicting other people, learning their thoughts. The terrible truth is, whether we realize it or not, everything is right out there for the entire world to see. Luckily mass stupidity is rampant, as is the severe misinterpretation of body language and speech. People say one thing, but usually mean another. Their body says it, even their words say it. So incredibly easy to read, yet no one does. This is why I can get away with ill-formed lies without ever being questioned. People are positively blind to others. We’re so focused in our little constructed worlds that we can’t determine when others are faking it. Fault of the egotistical, really.
I have time on my side. I look a lot younger than I am, especially when I dress more teen-like. When I go into college wearing a suit, I look older, and no one can guess my age properly. It’s SO DAMN easy. It doesn’t even require thinking about it, just do it. This U.S. is based on how you appear. Skinny and pretty is admirable, suggests all positive qualities, while fat and ugly suggests all negative qualities. Simple psychology. And no matter what you look like, if you dress a certain way, behave a certain way, get yourself to look a certain way, you’ll get respect without even trying for it. It is completely pathetic how easy it is to sway people. The thought of it makes me sick. There is nothing here. It’s a world of blank eyes and blank minds.
There is nothing HERE! I feel like I live in a world of robots who can’t think for themselves. Mass fucking psychosis. It makes me want to die because human beings are so hopeless. There are times that I don’t want to be associated with this species. At all. As they say, guilty by association.
I have to sit back and ask myself if there is hope for any of them, me included. We say we are everything, but all we have to show is nothing. A lack of understanding of the world around us, and most of all, a COMPLETE lack of understanding about ourselves. People don’t even know what they are. They have no clue. They live in a world of dreams and playhouse mirrors that distort their reality. They aren’t even good enough to be termed “sheep” or “cattle”. It’s beyond that, it’s like a virus. Doesn’t think, just does.
I know now that a big part of my constant depression is over the fact that there is nothing that can be changed, me or anybody else. I don’t even care about the world, its fate anymore. What should such a thing matter to something that is barely alive?
Each thing we do is the same motion repeated again and again in different ways. Everything is written off as “new”, when it is simply a dressed-up version of old. Civilizations rise and fall, people live and die. We claim individuality so much that we desperately believe it. But we are the same old thing, repeated yet again, another mistake, another scar in the history of the world. But someday it will be so scarred that it will not mend. It will be a battered canvas that can no longer be painted upon afresh. Done, finished. Humanity is but a blink in the life of something so ancient. We will not last forever.
And maybe it’s that, that “disgusting” truth that no one wants to face, that intrigues me. People only care about the future because they picture their line in it, that continuum of themselves. Honestly, no one deserves to breed, but far be it for me to stop them…. The future is basically an indication that humans have conquered everything. The thought that there could be a future without people is something humans don’t like to think about. It spells that delicious word: failure. People despise failure. Not only that, but they like to placate themselves with the thought that the world wouldn’t exist without people in it. I can say with certainty already, nothing will miss us.
We are “evil” just like any other animal, however we allotted ourselves to top spot. In doing so we sealed our doom. With so many of us, we do not play the game by the rules. We overpopulate. Disease runs rampant. It is always the smallest things that make the bigger things fall. Ironic, isn’t it? It will not be some super-animal that will destroy us, but a simple little virus. After all, we don’t much deserve a heroes death. We go out with a flicker, nothing more.
A fitting end, in my opinion to such squandered potential.