A finale chaotic.

I don’t know if anything really matters when you don’t care. It’s so difficult to express how I feel. I just can’t get out of this. I’m not sure if it’s something that happened to me or if it was always there waiting for me. Maybe it was all dormant for a time, blocked out by so many people, so many faces. Fuck, I know I felt it, at sometime, to some degree.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me anymore. I’m not going to call it depression or tag it with any other ridiculous term that has been tainted and abused by weak-minded, worthless human beings. Whatever they have isn’t what I have. This is forever, as long as I live. This hasn’t just lasted a month or two months, or even six months. It’s been motherfucking years. Years. So many I’m losing count. I’m not going to pretend anymore that it’s going to clear up and disappear so I can be ‘normal’ again. There isn’t a normal like they have, not for me. It’s over, it’s been over, and I am so tired of waiting for something terrible to happen to me.

Nothing saves you. You are all alone, even if someone holds you while you cry. And maybe that is the saddest fucking thing. Maybe that’s the thing that makes me lose all hope.

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One thought on “A finale chaotic.

  1. Akima April 23, 2013 / 2:33 pm

    Sometimes, I feel like I need to beat, and I really mean beat, things out of my head.
    You feel terribly alone when they call you insane, when they want you to visit some fucking doctor, when they order you to change who you are to meet their expectations.
    You are all alone when they ask you, beg you not to do ‘this’, and ‘this’ is the only thing that keeps you alive, your only wish.
    I hate humans, I hate everything that has humanity in it, but my fucking mind doesn’t seem to get it.
    I guess it’s just good for boring a single hole through it.

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