Sometimes it’s like the hatred is going to swallow me up until I disappear. I’m not sure how one can function when they are so throughly disgusted with everything and everyone. I don’t think I can hate any more or feel any less; whatever it is that means. I want to drag people through a moment of my life, for just once, so they can know…they can feel this.
It’s good to know my hate is heard, even if only by myself. It feels like something, and I can fool myself into believing it is helping. The funny thing is, I am so convinced now that it has become real. Perhaps this is what faith feels like, except this is assured in a way that godly faith is not. Action makes reaction. Period. Being a Satanist is what is keeping me going. I know that I make what I am. I am getting somewhere, even if it is difficult to see just now.