I hate it when I go out of my fucking way and get ignored. I’m pissed about everything right now. I don’t think there is really much of anything that I’m not absolutely infuriated with to the point that I’m reconsidering this whole being a normal person thing. Because, you know what, it’s not fucking working. To top it off, it’s not even worth it. Honestly, what am I getting out of this? Is this a sick preview of my life to come? Bullshit, more bullshit. This huggy-lovey shit makes me sick to my stomach. No one can atone. No one can fucking take all that pain away and make anything better. I don’t have what I want. What I wanted is done and gone and I’m left with some shallow imitation.
I am what I am and there is no changing that. I’m a hedonist, so what? Don’t like it? Then don’t fucking live with me. I don’t want to ask for anything and I don’t want to beg for anything. I take what I want, and frankly I see nothing wrong with that. I’m sick to fucking death of people playing judge and jury over my life and thinking it makes a shit bit of difference. I do what I want regardless, which is why everyone is so angry with me at the moment.
And you know what really is fucking annoying? If I wanted a relationship like a normal fucking person, I would get married. Clearly I don’t have the desire. Sorry. I thought you’d figured out that after each time we fucked I shut the door in your face straight after. Did that not make my intentions obvious enough to you? I love you but you drive me nuts. If I wanted something to cuddle and hold instead of fuck me I’d have gotten a dog.
If you think I’m an ugly fat bitch, then what are you doing here?
There, I fucking said it.