Breaking free

There are some people in the world who can’t keep their mouths shut. No matter how much they claim to care about you, they are forever willing to take a cheap shot simply because they can. It’s not all jealousy, but I realize now that some of it is.

Are you truly so jealous of the fact that I don’t have a job and you do? Do you really think being unemployed is the greatest thing that can happen to a person? You know, I’m sorry that things aren’t the way you want them to be, but it’s not my fault that you are utterly incapable of making your own decisions and that you’re in a living situation where your other party doesn’t want you to go without working. That, in other words, is your fucking problem, darling. I’m sorry that you feel the need to throw my unemployment in my face, but quite frankly, I don’t care what you think of me, if this is rooted in some kind of disgust. You know what bothered me? Not that you think less of me, but that you thought it was okay to voice your opinion in that ridiculous, underhanded way of yours, where it’s little more than a half-veiled insult. 

You don’t have any friends. Have you taken notice? You know, we laugh at you behind your back now, and I don’t feel an ounce of pity for you. You deserve every bad word against you, and I won’t bother to defend you any longer. What would be the point? You don’t have friends because you’re an insensitive cow. And honestly, if things weren’t the way they are now, I would scream it in your face. I’d cut you down without hesitation. You’re a sad woman on a sad little hill of pseudo superiority. You’ve chosen to isolate yourself, and the funniest part is that you don’t know you’ve done it. You’ve even managed to get under my skin enough for me to put you in the same category as my grandmother, who I absolutely fucking loathe. So congratulations. You now have no real friends, and you’re not even going to know it. 

I was going to write you a letter, but I’ve decided that that would be pointless, because I have a better idea. There are certain perks to being a Satanist, the first of which being that I believe in my own personal happiness before everyone else’s. I’m also extremely materialistic, which puts me in a difficult position given my joblessness—fortunately there is a solution. You. You want to buy me all that expensive shit and take me out to dinner every night that I see you? Okay. I’m hardly going to protest. Do what you want. It’s your money. It’s not my fault you’re entirely blind to just how much I am disgusted by you. Go ahead, spend piles of money on me. Do it. I’m not going to stop you. I consider it bullshit tax. You want to treat me like shit? Well I can do one up on you. Not only am I going to be sickly sweet for my own enjoyment, but I’m also going to take you for everything you’ve got.

You’ve been fucking with the wrong person. I gave you a chance because I know you’re a slow learner and have absolutely no grasp of human relationships. Psychologically, you’re a goddamn child. I was willing to put up with your stupidity in those matters, however, you’ve bored me. Your trivial opinions and irritating lack of pain tolerance have finally pitted me against you. You’re physically weak and pathetic, and you think that being thin translates to being beautiful. I’m sorry, but you’re too ugly on the inside to be anything else to me. And not only that, I know all your bullshit is a fucking sham. Actually, everybody does. And you know how I know?

I put things in your food.

That’s right. You’re lactose intolerant, right? I always put milk in mashed potatoes. Quite a lot, actually. In fact, I put it in most of the things I cook. I put it in all the things you eat. And half the shit you’ve been eating HAS FUCKING SOY IN IT. I thought you couldn’t eat soy? What about the bread? I thought you said you couldn’t have it? You realize all the shit I feed you has gluten, right? You know, for being a fake, you’re not very smart. I get it though. You told me without even realizing it. They paid attention to you as a child because you were always thin and ‘sickly’. Now you want that attention again, so you’ve starved yourself to a grey-skinned mess, and come up with all this bullshit about your diet. I get it. But if you wanted attention, don’t you think there would have been an easier way to go about it? This whole scheme is obviously a little too elaborate for you considering how you keep inadvertently tripping up. You haven’t complained of being sick, which you obviously would have had that ever been the result of our cooking. You can’t seem to not complain. About anything. Again, you’ve gone and dug your own hole. 

As it is, I realize that confronting you would just result in unnecessary awkwardness considering it is likely I would still have to be in contact with you from that point forward. You wouldn’t take it well. Liars never do. You’ll deny and point a finger. And why should I go to all that trouble when you have limitless potential? I’d be squandering a meal ticket. My pride generally gets in the way of me accepting things from others, but with you, I can’t see that being an issue anymore. I have no reason to feel as though I should pay you back. You’re offering your services, right? Okay. Then by all means, provide.

And your words of wisdom about my boyfriend, I have news for you: he can stand you even less than I can. So your pointless little comments about how it might ‘last a little while’ just make me laugh, because he certainly has lasted longer than you. You getting on your high horse is funny to me, because quite frankly, at 22 he has a better grasp on life than you will ever have, even at TWICE his age, as you are. Pathetic. You dare to claim my immaturity? Ha! I’ve made my own way, and what have you done? I live an adult life, and you still flounder about like a child with absolutely no understanding of anything besides your own painted world that keeps thinning out around you.

No, no, I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to keep things exactly as they are. You’ve made your choices. All the hell that comes raining down on your head is your own doing, and I am just along for the ride. I’m an opportunistic predator, and I see opportunity on my doorstep.

It’s funny, because I’m not going to have to do much of anything except bite my tongue and smile, while taking all that it is you have to offer. I look forward to our future together.    

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