between

People make baseless statements, on things they don’t understand. They like to lord themselves over others, feeling a sense of superiority while pointing out all the things they believe to be true. There has been a lot of it lately, from every corner it would seem. Lots of judgments have been passed, thrown about until they stick to something. The insecurity is so thick and palpable, that it’s hard not to retreat to my corner and stare listlessly into the wall, waiting for all the stupidity to be over.

They make it a contest. Who has the worst life? What sucks more? I’ve fallen victim to it too, at times, using it scathingly because I tire of the whining and the untrue proclamations, spewed over and over again to anyone who would listen.

I want to hide away, disappear, but I’ve resisted. Everything feels like a mistake right now, and nothing seems like the right answer. I’m caught in the middle, indecisive, waiting for the moment when I reach a peak of clarity and can see out into the world, beyond my little bubble.

I reach this place at night sometimes, looking up at the ceiling in the dark. I remember everything and think to myself that there’s no reason anymore to bother, not after everything.

It’s a cruelty to live in those moments, but I do. I’m stuck, stuck between, with nowhere to go. Suffer and live, or wallow and die.

There isn’t any real answer to any of it. I’ll make choices, regret them until the sting dies away, then carry on, like this was always what I wanted.

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