Do I have a sign over my head? One that says “yes, please, come bother me”? Is that what it is? It must flash like a neon sign right after the clock strikes midnight, because that’s always when it happens.
And what about having a conversation with me, made you turn your car around and come back to talk to me again after I sent you packing the first time? It wasn’t even my words that deterred you, it was the gun that finally made you leave, let’s not be coy here.
You got out of your car to come at me, and uh, suddenly had a change of heart when the wind blew my robe back. I can’t imagine why. Not an easy victim anymore? Oops. I do walk around in a bad neighborhood in pajamas, a bathrobe and flip flops, so you’d think that would be a clear indication that I couldn’t take this any less seriously. Maybe the gun seems out of place in retrospect…
Word of the wise: when you’re trying to build a good lie, don’t call the person you’re trying to convince, a bitch. It just makes them certain that you’re lying. It also doesn’t particularly endear them to you, either. You need my help? At 12am? In your van? After you said ten other lies that didn’t make any sense, now suddenly you need my help? Okay Ted Bundy.
Also, your van has no plates, you stupid, sketchy dumbfuck. You might as well write “free candy” on the side, or whatever the adult equivalent is (free computer? Free iPhone?). You can’t abduct me; I’m a fucking Karen.
And whatever you were shouting at me when you were driving away, I heard none of it. Maybe stop bothering bitches playing ball with their dog in the middle of the night. Mind your business. Go abduct someone that has time for that.
God. Fucking amateurs. I also got you on camera, asshole. Circling the parking lot over and over parking in different spots, and then driving up to a woman at 12am in a deserted area is not going to convince me of your uh “innocence”, then getting out of the van to come at me because I don’t want to help you? Tsk tsk.
Gave me a good laugh though. I hope you shit your pants. I’ve never seen a motherfucker scramble so fast to get back in his creeper van. You were awful bitter about it. Too bad.
Lies, filthy lies 